Due to a pact I made with my sister, I am subjecting myself to shit movies of her choosing. As a result, I have been watching the Twilight series. I have thus far made it through Twilight and New Moon.
For my thoughts on Twilight, go here.
I am pretty sure I saw a version of New Moon that was either from a bad dvd rip, or was deliberately re-cut by someone to try to make it more interesting. Or possibly to punish people for watching it in the first place. At first I thought the movie was just doing some flashback bullshit, but about halfway through, it became apparent that the scenes were just jumping around. But I kept watching, because I didn’t really expect to get more out of it in the proper sequence. Since I saw all the frames in the movie, I think it still technically counts as having watched it.
Here are the things I took away:
1. Bella is still kind of a vapid whore, but she has branched out from necrophilia to bestiality. I suppose that must be acknowledged as character development.
2. Werewolves don’t wear shirts. Ever.
3. Having not watched the movie in order, I am uncertain as to the events that led them to go see the Three Most Important Vampires In the World. I think Edward was going to kill himself because Bella went cliff diving. And you clearly have to do that at a church in Italy during the menses festival or whatever, because otherwise it is not a romantic gesture.
I think these movies are the runoff for all the worst extras from Law and Order.